Good girl blues

Why being a good girl could be bad for you

Remember when you thought that being a good girl was all you needed to be? Well, niceness is actually a hot topic that tends to fundamentally divide people. Should you put yourself first, stand up for yourself or should you put others first and “do as you’re told”?

Well, it’s good to be nice…when you make the people around you happy, they tend to want to return the favor and be nice to you, too. The problem starts when you stop filtering your authentic needs and you become too nice for your own good. This is when you go out of your way to please others, stay in the program, be the best you can be and never, ever steer away from your plans. This situation can lead to stress, burnout, and poor mental health.

What you can do is try to distinguish between two different factors. Make a list of what really makes YOU happy, and a second one with all the things you shouldn’t do to make others feel bad. After you are done, check if these two lists meet each other at any point. If, for example, moving in your own apartment is something that will make you happy but it will make your mom feel depressed, think about what she really needs and help her follow your transition with understanding, love and, probably, hours of conversation. If what makes other people feel bad is you being aggressive, just because you feel like it, think things over for a little. Being rude and mean might help you feel better if you have been hurt, but it is not something you would want others to do to you, is it? Yes, that’s right. The Golden Rule applies here, in the most awesome way: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”.